Beauty and the Beast

I am back from my India trip. And there are some experiences I need to share. Well, as always there are two sides of the coin, the beauty and the beast. The beast no matter how ferocious is always belittled by the Beauty of India. So here are the two…

Episode 1: Day of Departure

The Beauty: Everything is all packed, for the first time I am actually ready about 5 hours before my flight.

The Beast: Air India is going to be late as it is our indian custom, delayed from 7:30 pm to 9:30 pm.

The Beauty: A nice friend agreed to drop us at the airport.

The Funny Beast: We reach the airport, at 6:30 pm. I ask at the Air India counter, what time would the flight be actually in air. The official replies it’s “on time”. Scares the living hell out of me. I am sure they have cancelled my reservation. And I ask dejected, “At 7.30 pm?” Official replies, “No Sir, rescheduled to 9:30 pm Sir, on time Sir.” I am so glad “on time” in India, is about 2 hours later.

The Beauty: Nice dinner on flight.

The Beast: Since I was flying to Chennai then to Hyderabad, the in-flight movie is in Tamil, the blockbuster “Pokri”.

The Beauty: We had English subtitles, and the lead actress was way too hot!

The Beauty: We land in Chennai to a very pleasant weather. Nice South Indian breakfast follows.

The Beast: The Indian Airlines flight from Hyderabad to Chennai is late by an hour.

The Beauty: I found this cute little girl about 10 years old, traveling all on her own from Chennai to Delhi. So young, so confident and so independent. I wish I have a daughter just like her.

The Beauty: The Spice Jet employees look really hot in their designer red pants and shirt. Living up to their names.

The Beast: I wasn’t traveling by Spice.

The Beauty: “On time” delay of one hour and I am at my home, my Hyderabad.

This is how banks fleece you

No free lunches. Your bank might be offering you more services than ever, but someone has to be paying for them. And more likely than not, it is you. So, feel free to ask. Also, read forms you sign. Till 1999, the Indian Banks' Association used to fix charges. But since banks were freed to have their own charges, numerous charges have crept in. It is pretty difficult and, often, unnecessary to track them all. In most bank branches, charges for regular services are displayed fairly conspicuously. What is not as much in public display are the penalties, such as those levied for not maintaining the minimum balance and quarterly average balance and overdrawing from the savings account. According to a BBC report published in December 2006, that year, the top six high street banks in the UK earned an estimated pound 4.5 billion (approx Rs 36,000 crore) only from penalty charges incurred for unauthorised overdrafts, bounced cheques and clearing direct debits when there are insufficient funds in the account. While no such figure is available for Indian commercial banks, industry sources estimate that it could be around Rs 3,000 per annum for an account in a private sector bank. (See: Biting charges). For the banks, it is like hitting the jackpot. Things to do * Close accounts you don't use. If you open one as a requirement for term deposits, go for a no-frill account. But even one of these, if it lets you have a zero balance, may charge you for frequent cash withdrawals. The cheque facility is also free only up to a number of cheques. * Check every service you are using and ask the bank whether they are costing you anything. * Overall, use ATMs, Internet banking and phone banking. Most of it is free and can save charges for services such as 'stop payment' of a cheque, or transferring money from one bank to another when the amount is above Rs 100,000. * Maintain quarterly average balance at all times. Keep track of automatic payouts and post-dated cheques. Else it could cost you up to Rs 750 in a private bank. Also, a bounced cheque can lead to criminal prosecution under law. * Also keep track of all your consolidate student loan schemes, refinancing,debt consolidation,equity home loan schemes.

Marriage Counseling

Marriage is in the air. Or was it love is in there air? Whichever, it’s got to be one of them ,in some cases,both together. With Ash and Abhi getting married, and the whole media going crazy…that’s what I gather when I see the e-newspapers from out here, it was about time I seriously look into the institute of marriage. Ash took her time to get married didn’t she? How old is she, 35? Well, as George Carlin observed...."I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? Seems that’s how the ball bounces nowadays. “I do’s” are getting really harder and longer. And seriously, people really need to get married early. There is no point in wasting time, in order to find a person that you can annoy for the rest of your life. Did I type “annoy” back there, sorry, the right word is “infuriate”. At last you will have someone who will tolerate you for your money, oops… for your love and affection.

And getting married is not easy. It is like going to buy a car. You somehow save up for a MERCEDES S-class; you buy it, and then realize that your neighbor has a BMW M5 which is faster, flashier, prettier and more reliable. Ditto goes for ladies too. I mean, it’s like they go out shopping, and then realize they need to buy one particular gorgeous set of shoes. Eventually they buy them, and then realize that they don’t go with any of their dresses. Ladies beware; buy a tailor-made man who matches all your inner needs and desires! And yes if you are not vigilant, you will most likely be the man/ woman who would say, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."

Well, after what’s done is done, you know, after getting married somehow and barely managing to live it up. Things can eventually look brighter; after all marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.A very smart husband will never let go of his wife’s hand in public. The wife feels very comforted, and the husband knows she can’t shop. And the wife makes sure the game of love is played on even grounds. No jewelry, no warmth and care.

As time goes by, even with the mutual benefit to each, a lot of marriages do break down. As someone once said, in America if a marriage lasts for longer than the milk takes time to sour than it is a success. An exaggeration nevertheless, but isn’t it true that you never know them until you marry them? Its like a shiny gift wrapped box, of infinite possibilities. As another anonymous guy said “I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always”
But before I go, I would like to warn all women….with this Mae West quote, “Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for."

One last kiss

Virtual cobwebs in my chat window, signifying you haven't been in here for long now
I just hope u do reply, dont want you to just read, smile and turnaway
better late than ever, you know i will keep waiting, you know i will be the last man standing
addicted to you i am to a lot of extent, simple to seem be my wish to see you, but ungranted
scar me not , my little scarlett, sweeten me with them sugary dimples once more
I cry one little smile, I die one little death in bliss, just seal my coffin with one little kiss.